I'm still waiting on guests to arrive and I've not switched on CNN. So now is a good time to pull out the gray goose and look deep into the martini glass to see what is in store for us tonight.
Martini Glass Divination Predictions
Republican Slate
- 34% Romney
- 32% McCain
- 16% Rudy
- 12% FuckABee
- 6% Paul
Democrat Slate
- 44% Hillary
- 40% Obama
- 16% Edwards
5:32 MST WTF CNN is reporting returns before all the polls have closed. I guess we didn't learn anything from 2000.
5:35 MST Hillary Clinton plans to Party Down for a Big Win in Florida that has no delegates. Someone send that woman a big glass of symbolism over substance.
5:51 MST The Lovely Aimee asks, "If you win a primary with no delegates, does that make you the first loser?"
5:53 MST Clint, wearing his I *heart* Hillary button, says "a win is a win."
6:01 MST Polls Close. CNN Graphics Intern is still using the same crappy visual aids.
6:13 MST CNN Calls the Democrat Florida Primary for Hillary Clinton...Wolf! Tell her what she's won..
That's right Hillary, you've won an empty victory. No Votes, No Delegates, No Problems. Just like Michigan. But thats not all, you've won the right to stand on a stage and claim a win that has as much significance as the believability of your marriage to Bill.
Hill-a-Tini: Pretty in Pink
- 2 oz Stolis
- 1 oz Cranberry Juice
- 1/2 oz Tipelsec
- lime juice
6:26 MST Hill-a-Tini deemed a success. Lightweight, pink, sour, and lacking substance.
6:32 MST CNN Babbles on about Hillary's win, that wasn't a win, but might be a win, because it looks a win, and because no one really pays attention to the details, it could be a draw.
6:44 MST Hillary is gloating about her kinda-somewhat-maybe win with no delages...let's listen in...
Bla bla bla, historic win [really?], I will make Florida votes count [unlike 2000 maybe], because I won, I will make sure your delegates get seated now, this is an intense election because people actually care [which is good because you care more than anyone else]. Lord, she's still pushing the 35 years of experience. It's just like Tyler Bramlet in HS...the world is my resume even if I've never accomplished a damn thing. Thankfully....wolf breaks away...
6:48 MST We all thank Wolf for pulling us away from that dog and pony show. Now, time for another drink!
6:51 MST Rudy 4 Prez HQ looks like he's running for Collier County School Board. Next Up: The Key Lime Martini
- 2 oz of gray goose
- 1 oz half and half
- 1/2 oz lime juice
- 1/2 oz half n half
6:56 MST The FuckAbee Speaks...We Drink And Mock
I wish I'd brought the FL weather with me [oh...so funny], we're 2nd in delegate count, we're in this ballgame for 9 innings [ya, and you've lost the last 3], we're just getting started [no, it's just the beginning of the end....thank goodness], long list of people who helped him lose...bla bla bla, oh, here comes the fried chicken joke....at least he didn't bring up the squirrel.
7:02 MST Bill Bennett to Obama: "Step it up man, you're playing ball against team Clinton, not the Church League." He's not kidding, just ask Kathleen Willey.
7:06 MST CNN tells us that Rudy blew it big time. Does he drop out tonight. Discuss
7:12 MST CNN Projects McCain Winner in Florida
7:16 MST Please tell me that Mikale-Gorbi-Without-The-Splotch didn't use the word "peeps"
7:17 MST Yup, he did
7:21 MST Rudy Speaks to an Empty Room...
Rudy thanks those who showed up, McCain and Romney for being honorable men......oops, forgot FuckAbee....and Ron Paul, who won all the post debate call in polls. [all of this is in the past tense, so he will prob endorse McCain tomorrow] Wow, Rudy's wife is giving him the sexy eye...I bet the hotel is a rockin' tonight
In honor of Rudy, we will all enjoy a nice Manhattan
- 3 oz Jack Daniels
- Dash of Vermouth
- Dash of Bitters
- twist or orange
- maraschino cherry
7:33 MST Romney speaks next...let's listen in
Romney sounds stressed. Clearly he thought he was going to win tonight. Washington is Broken, cant fix it by sending McCain back to nap in the White House. Plug for families, heath care, troops, etc. The Economy is in Romney's DNA. Wow, he's Market Man!
7:44 MST No Cocktail for Romney...he's Mormon.
7:48 MST McCain Victorious
McCain and Friends come on stage...WTF is up with Gov Crist? He's Orange as..well..an Orange!?! McCain points out that he won a Republican primary--so at least we all know we're in the right room. McCain ties himself to Reagan...again. Wow, he even called himself a Conservative. He's hitting the Conservative Talking Planks HARD...it looks like Gov Crist is melting...
8:03 MST The Lovely Aimee *sob*
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