High Lonesome

Sexual Harassment and YOU

The perils of the heterosexual male in the workplace are many.  Thankfully the good folks at GE have a few pointers to alleviate confusion.

The Gater Guzzle: Florida Primary Drinking Game

So it's going to be a long night.  Or at least so it seems to look that way judging from the last round of polls for the Florida Primary.  That is, assuming you believe exit polling data. Personally, I think the public is so fed up with being pestered by robo calls and pollsters that they are deliberately jerking their collective chains to get even.

To pass the time, and to take away the dull ache of the non stop clueless political jabbering of Team CNN, here is a drinking game from me to you to play as the results come in.

The Gater Guzzle

• Each time someone states that winning Florida will make candidate x, y, or z the front runner chuckle and take a drink. *two drinks on the Democrat side as there are not delegates up for grabs
• Each time Wolf Blitzer forgets that James Carville and Paul Begalia have been given the boot until the end of the Primary Season take two drinks
• Each time the CNN panel agrees that the Republican Party is finally embracing McCain gag and chug your glass
• Should Hillary lose and send in a written concession speech as she did in South Carolina, take three drinks and sing "Sweet Caroline"
• Each time Wolf Blitzer comments that the "race is tight," take one drink
• Any references to Camelot, take two drinks
• Each time someone brings up a GOP "brokered convention," take two drinks
• Each time someone uses the words "John Edwards" and "king maker" in the same sentence, take a drink when you've stopped laughing
• Should, at any time, CNN cut to cover a speech by Bill Clinton, drink straight from the bottle.

How Many Five Year Olds Could YOU Take In A Fight

I thought this was particularly appropriate today, given the primaries in Florida.  But the question remains, how many five year olds could YOU take in a fight.  They say I can take 28.  I say avoid the problem altogether and ban the children.

28

There She Goes

They say a picture is worth 1,000 words.  This is just hysterical.  We've said it before, Mrs. Clinton, "You're ALL WET!"

And Bill Clinton is [Still] So Very Angry

Bill Clinton continues to hog the spotlight in the Democrat nomination for President.  With the South Carolina Primary days away, you'd he that was running.  Actually, that isn't a half bad campaign strategy for Team Clinton given the Senator from New York's complete ineptitude on the stump.

In this most current rapier thrust, the former President gets in the face of a CNN reporter for bringing up the, dare I say "Clintonesque" slash and burn tactics of the Clinton political machine.

As much as I dread the thought of dealing with this three ring soap opera for four more years, I am enjoying this.  It's fun to see the Clinton machine turn on its own. 

"Shame on you," Bill tells us.  One might feel rebuked if they knew what the meaning of the word "is" is.  I'd ask Bill to clarify, but we've been down that road before.

Mayor Kilpatrick Soooo NAUGHTY!!!

Well it looks like the Republicans aren’t the only government officials caught up in the heat of passion these days.  The Detroit Free Press has uncovered these shocking text messages between Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick D - Detroit and a top [female] aide.

Ladies overt your eyes…this could be shocking.

“I’m madly in love with you,” 

Mr. Mayor, you brute!

To which the Venus replied

“I hope you feel that way for a long time.  I am madly in love with you too”

You scandalous strumpet, you.  Dare we read on????

“I’ve been dreaming all day about having you all to myself for 3 days.  Relaxing, laughing, talking, sleeping, and making love.”

Well move over, Henry Miller, these two have put Tropic of Cancer out of business.

Granted, the two were both married at the time but for crying out loud!?!  This is “steamy.”  Phfft!  I’m glad I’m in the private sector.  My blackberry would send the Detroit Free Press running for their smellin’ salts.

Get Your Game On!

I knew it was only a matter of time.  Finally some blessed techno geek has stepped up to the plate and given us something to take our electoral aggression on...the candidates.  heh heh heh

The good folks at miniclip.com offer up a White House paint ball throw down featuring some of our favorite faces for 2008.  I wonder what it would take to get the creators of Doom to give it a go.  Give me a chain saw in god mode, and this election cycle might be fun.  Hell, it got me though grad school!

Feel free to play...

Mommy Dearest

I don't know what it is about elections.  These contests that are at the very epicenter of the spirit of our republic --I know this, because CNN tells me so-- but it seems to me that it just brings out the crazy in all of us.  And I do mean crazy.  Don't believe me?  I give you Darren Garnick.

Her crazy isn't the wacked out in your face that we've come to know and love from, say, the supports of Ron Paul.  It's the smoldingering just below the surface crazy.  That's always more creepy.  Our dear Ms. Garnick had a dream.  Her dream was to have her 5 month old baby girl photographed with all of the presidential contenders in this election cycle--though I see she opted to avoid former Alaska Senator Gravel.  A wise move. to my way of thinking.

Who does this? !?  What sane person takes their five month old out in the cold New Hampshire winter to have it photographed with the biggest self inflated egos of the day.  And, given what we know about presidential candidates, are these the people you want your baby consorting with?

Our hearts go out to baby Garnick.  If mommy is using you you to schmoose at this age, I don't even want to think about what she has planned for your teenage years.  We look forward to the Lifetime network made for TV movie.

The link to Darren's photo album of crazy is here.  *shudder*

Public Service Announcement

It has come to our attention that Sen Larry Craig continues to be compelled to make an even bigger fool out of himself by popping up in the news regularly.  As a precaution to others who might make themselves look equally silly, we remind you that the following is the only "wide stance" deemed acceptable at this time.

All others will be reviewed on a case by case basis here.

Carry on....

Emily Post's Guide to Caucus Etiquette

Things are just about to get started.  Here is a quick primer on the rules governing the Hawk-eye Cauci.

Democrats

1. Caucus participants will be asked to group themselves according to which candidate they support
2. Some bitter old school marm will tally up the bodies to see which candidates meet the 15% threshold requirement
3. Participants who are stuck with a loser candidate, aka one that didn't get the 15% viability threshold, will be given the option to "make their vote count" by pledging their support to a non loser candidate
4. There is then a persuasion time where supporters of the viable candidates have the opportunity to persuade aka bribe the participants stuck with a loser
5. The second vote is taken and the results are sent via snail mail to party HQ.

All in all, it is a lot like the officer elections in my college fraternity...only without bribery by beer.

Republicans

1. Caucus participants vote via secret ballot for whom the wish to support
2. Caucus participants go to the bar to drink and mock the CNN commentators

The Rest of the Country Watching

1. Each time Wolf Blitzer says something stupid or obvious - take one drink
2. Each time Ron Paul or one of the RonUlans bring up the evil Neo-Cons at CNN, FOX, ABC, CBS, NBC, TBN, ETC that are suppressing them from getting out their message - giggle and take two drinks
3. Each time Fuck-A-Bee says "Jesus" take three drinks
4. Each time Sen Dodd shows signs of life take one drink
5. Each time some one brings up Hillary's womynness or Obamas blackness take two drinks
6. Each time someone actually is able to say just who Duncan Hunter is take one drink
7. Each time someone talks about "regular Americans" chug the glass
8. Each time someone brings up Rudi's drag show days Sing a chorus of "Diamonds are a Girls Best Friend" and chug the glass
9. Each time Hillary lets loose a Cackle to a keg stand or chug from the bottle for at least 5 seconds
10. Each time a commentator tells us that Iowa means nothing down your drink, throw that glass at the TV, and yell DIE SUCKA!!

Let the games begin!